Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
