He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
