anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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