you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
