you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
