So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
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one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
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I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
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