i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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