He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
