check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
