Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
