Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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