y did u give ur computer a hand job?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize