when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
