She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
