I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
