At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
