Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
