The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
