I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
