TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
