1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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