Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
