I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
