Don't you send me to vm
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
