just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
