Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
