Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
