Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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