First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
