I love black thongs
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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