i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
