That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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