did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Randomize
