so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
