i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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