she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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