So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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