His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
The air was thick with penises
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
is it fun? or sober?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
