Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
