Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
