Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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