Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
