I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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