this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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