did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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