mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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