I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
