I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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