I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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