i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
