i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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