1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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