maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
