I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
