I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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