we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
