Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
In America we eat man semen.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
