what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The power of my boobs compel you
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
