Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
