I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
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Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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