I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
